Inertia
Tuesday, October 23, 2007 by Gaurav Varma
Even at 25 I realize I have done nothing significant all my life. All my life i've sat in exams, read books or hung out with friends over beer and sometimes coffee. Rest of the time has been spent in idle mostly meaningless chatter and sleep. As silly as it must sound i have not done anything to explore life. I've never gone backpacking alone, never been in a major accident, never championed a cause, never challenged authority, never been in authority, never done anything that makes my life minutely interesting or significant in any way. I don't remember the last time I did something on impulse, without having planned it... like taken a train to nowhere, visited unknown hidden towns or even lanes in the city. I'm used to playing safe. To taking the tried and tested way. The ordinariness of it all is excruciating.
All my life i've been used to putting off things. Everything that ever needed to be done straight away has been pushed back in the ceaseless rush to meet deadlines, submissions, priorities. In school I never ever figured out organic chemistry. For months after i had the realization that i was clueless at anything ranging from allotropy to aliphatic compounds i continued to procrastinate. To allay the fears i always had I would put it off in the shallow belief that studying just before the exam would help me recall it better at the test. I didn't study anything and almost flunked the paper. I didn't get a single question in organic chem right. Sometimes I worry my life is one interminable chemistry paper. That I will somehow 'pass' at the end of it all but the real tests I'm failing are right now and not at the end. I suddenly feel the need to relax. I'm cosy and comfortable. I think I need a smoke. I then turn on the volume. Roadhouse Blues drowns out the distant Himesh Reshammiya strains coming from H10. I then sit out in the balcony puffing away.
Well, I woke up this morning
And I got myself a beer.
The future's uncertain
And the end is always near.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, all night long.
And then i worry about the fact that I worry so much.
All my life i've been used to putting off things. Everything that ever needed to be done straight away has been pushed back in the ceaseless rush to meet deadlines, submissions, priorities. In school I never ever figured out organic chemistry. For months after i had the realization that i was clueless at anything ranging from allotropy to aliphatic compounds i continued to procrastinate. To allay the fears i always had I would put it off in the shallow belief that studying just before the exam would help me recall it better at the test. I didn't study anything and almost flunked the paper. I didn't get a single question in organic chem right. Sometimes I worry my life is one interminable chemistry paper. That I will somehow 'pass' at the end of it all but the real tests I'm failing are right now and not at the end. I suddenly feel the need to relax. I'm cosy and comfortable. I think I need a smoke. I then turn on the volume. Roadhouse Blues drowns out the distant Himesh Reshammiya strains coming from H10. I then sit out in the balcony puffing away.
Well, I woke up this morning
And I got myself a beer.
The future's uncertain
And the end is always near.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, baby, roll.
Let it roll, all night long.
And then i worry about the fact that I worry so much.
so cool! u captured well what i have often felt..